May- to most people it means end of school year celebrations, Mother’s Day, kicking off summer, celebrations. To a mom who whose child has passed it also means reminders of loss, marking of time since you held your child and a reminder of what your child may never get to experience. As I sat at my son’s field day today I was hit with a waive of grief- others were bouncing between multiple kids and I sat there wishing I could. I have no advice on how to make it better when these hit but I wanted to share my thoughts of how to make it bearable and how to approach families grieving this time of year.

If you are a grieving family:

• Do what you need to do to survive this time. You don’t have to attend events. You are allowed to miss your child and need time to be alone.
• Find a way to remember your child. Enjoy something they did. Spend time at their grave just being in the presence of their memory.  You need that connection at times- the void otherwise swallows you whole.  These are just a few ways to try to find that connection we all need.
• It is ok to say no to sharing your child at an event or another way if you aren’t comfortable. Their imagine, memory and story are what you have left- and you can guard or share it however you want to. Don’t let someone make you feel bad if you say no.

If you know a grieving family:

• Invite them to events and share life’s moments. No grieving family wants to feel like you avoid them because you are concerned you will hurt their feelings- or that they don’t matter anymore to your family.
• Understand if they decline invites, leave early, or seem to ignore events. They may not be able to face you with happiness and don’t want to bring their pain into your event. They may not even realize they are ignoring an event- grief affects the whole-body including memory and sometimes celebrating is just too physically exhausting to think of.
• Remember their child. There is nothing worse than thinking people have forgot your child. A simple “thinking of you text” without expecting a reply truly does mean something to grieving parents.
• Include their memory in important moments.  If they would have been graduating or hitting a special moment help their classmates include their memory and share with their parents. Even if they don’t show up k now it means more than you will know to them and can be helpful to their classmates who may not realize they are grieving.

Everyone- be kind to each other.  So many of us grieve when a child passes but remember no one grieves more than the parents who have lost their everything.

Until next time- hug your kid and those you love a bit more today and Mary- love you, miss you, mean it.