Holidays are hard especially after a loved one receives a terminal cancer diagnosis, and especially when it is your child.  You spend the lead up to the holidays in the mindset of – will they make it to the holiday?  Then you spend the holiday and time after wondering- is this their last holiday or last time we celebrate this holiday?

After losing a child to a terminal disease (spoiler alert) they don’t get easier.  Now holidays include a constant missing piece.  What is ok to do to remember my child this holiday? Memories get hard to look back at, but  they are also cherished.

Make a moment special

It doesn’t have to be making the whole day special because that is exhausting.  Pick one moment you want to really focus on bringing some joy and memories into for your kid battling or those missing their sibling in heaven.  For us this Easter it was the egg hunt- with close to 100 eggs for a 7 year old and baby to find.  Yes, I went overboard but yes, they loved it and for a moment Robbie truly smiled.  Pick one part of the day you can focus on the magic.

Honor those missing

Everyone grieves differently so do what feels right to you. For me the idea of not having birthday presents, Christmas presents or an Easter basket for Mary just feels wrong and I can’t do it.  So, this year much like last year when we celebrated our first Easter without her, she received a heavenly basket.  This basket included a trinket for around her Urn, flowers (to plant) and outdoor statue for her to admire from heaven, and some bluey characters for her brothers to “steal” from her.  This made the void a little smaller for a moment for me but know this isn’t for everyone. Whether it is a trip to visit a special place to them (or their grave), special flowers, a prayer, having a treat they loved, anything that helps to remember them in that day.

Don’t overdo it

Grief is hard and overwhelming at times.  Don’t push yourself too hard and regret the day or be so tired from prep in the lead up that you can’t enjoy.   If the grief is too hard for the day- ask for help from family or a professional. There is no shame in taking medication to make the grief manageable just please do so with assistance from a licensed physician.

Holidays are hard. Hold tight to those here with you and hold tighter to the memory of those gone.

Until next time- hug your kid and those you love a bit more today and Mary- love you, miss you, mean it.