Once upon a time I was a mom who had a full-time job, a great son and daughter-- we all loved to have fun, hang out and laugh together. A day without laughing, dancing in the kitchen or my kids saying "mom stop! ... mom whatever you do don't do that in public -- you're so embarrassing ... " would be a very unusual day in our house.
Now, I find myself constantly looking for that one person who is missing from my eye, from my everyday life -- the one who would laugh at me and/or with me. Then I am reminded of what a DPG is and what it does to a family.
In the journey I found myself on, I can say that I understand what my priest means when he says we are constantly in search of God's presence, and when the Bible says that Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus; I often wondered why Jesus wept when he knew he could give Lazarus life again.., but even in knowing that God will give my son life again, I weep daily for him.
When Marc was diagnosed, I so wanted God to step in and save the day; I wanted him to make everything ok again. I don't know why He didn't, and I still find myself searching for that answer. Today, as I sit in my room crying for my son and wishing he were sitting here with me on the edge of my bed and we are watching the Apprentice together, I know what it means to long for God's presence; I know what it is to truly weep over the death of a friend - who was also my son. I know that a day will never pass that I won't long for my son; that I won't long to hear his voice or feel his hand on my shoulder (he always put his hand on my shoulder -- oh, how I miss that). I sit here and know this is how I should long for God daily … to know the pain is real and to know that no one can fix it … .
Then I am reminded of what my priest said "... you can see God everyday in the eyes of a child, when we are helped, or you help another … ." And through this horrific loss I have seen God. I've seen Him when a community is faced with this type of cancer; each unknowingly fosters the spirit of God. They step in and they step up. My husband and I find ourselves very humbled by the kindness we have received from so many. My sister once told me; " ... the only checking account you are allowed to take with you, and that God will ever check into, is the account you hold with others -- what you have deposited through your efforts toward others and what you let others deposit in you… ." I didn't fully understand that last part till I lost my son and my friends and family taught me how in receiving, you are also giving. Learning to receive is a very humbling and ego-busting experience; and you don't realize how hard it is to receive and/or how often we do not allow others that privilege of being, if only for one moment, one with God, simply by being allowed to help.
So, today I come to you, posting DPG children whom I wish I could give them all they need. I can't, so here they are -- little ones -- humbled and needy, and in the purest form, knowing what it is to give joy by allowing others the privilege of helping God help them.
From the Marc Apodaca Jr. Children's Glioma Cancer Foundation, the Board, my husband, Marc, and me, we encourage you to visit the kids posted -- and we ask you to just keep us in your prayers.
I know in my heart God also thanks you for your deposit of kindness (even if it is only a tear for them today).
In God,
Lynette Apodaca
Marc's mom and friend
For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end. Psalm 48:14
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